Trip to the Past
by YourRhineStoneEyes
Summary: Choptop is on death row, not that he minds this too much. It gives him time to reflect on things from the past, what he can manage to remember of it. (NubbinsxChoptop)
1. Chapter 1

The Sawyer family had become infamous, it hadn't taken too long. The only downside to these things were that for starters; the people of Texas loved to pretend things weren't really there, especially the monsters. The second problem was that Choptop as far as himself and the police knew was the only surviving member of the family. He could tell them the others might still be alive, Hell in his mind they were all alive one way or another. He didn't plan on telling the cops or jury anything; he would play more insane than he already was by the magic of nature. He would protect his possibly living relatives even if it cost his own life. He told them there was nobody else, it had all been done by him; he sort of enjoyed playing it out this way, playing the role of some Charles Manson type loon who thought he was a God. Choptop didn't think of himself as a God though, more like a demon…..Maybe Beelzebub; he liked that prospect.

Sometimes the questions reporters and cops had asked him while he sat in prison, in jails, asylums, and finally in solitary would confuse him. Mostly just make his brain hurt, not like that was anything new. Ever since he was attacked in battle he'd been having problems with that. There were memories that were fuzzy, his attention span was shot to shit, and he knew he wasn't as smart as the rest of the world, but he was much smarter than these fools thought that he was.

That was the thing he had working on his side. He wasn't completely brain dead, but still his memory was off. When he had the alone time he would try to remember things, like the day he nearly lost his head. He remembered a bit of being knocked to the ground followed by this burning sensation through his skull, and before blacking out he remembered seeing the blood running down his face.

Not like those things mattered too much, he didn't care about remembering how he had nearly died once or twice. He mostly wanted to remember before the war, back before he was drafted into the military. Like his real name; he barely fucking remembered it, maybe it was Robert….Robert sounded right, even if it wasn't it was a cool name. He had always liked it, yeah Robert; he would pretend that was his name. Hell the police had even told him what his real name was and he still didn't retain it, didn't matter. Ever since coming back from Vietnam he had a new name, a new everything. He wasn't Robert anymore, he was Choptop.

He missed being Robert though, what he remembered of it. He remembered a little about growing up, very little. He knew that their parents had left; they hadn't wanted sons and after Bubba was born they were just done with everything. That's what Drayton had told the three of them anyways. He remembered how pissed Drayton always seemed, like a mother even when he had been a teenager. He mostly remembered Nubbins; that was the part of his old memory that he needed. It frustrated him to no end when he couldn't remember his twin. He loved his family but Nubbins was the one, he was the only one that had actually mattered to him.

He loved him…A lot; in a way that was sadistic, masochistic, protective, and even romantically sexual. Disgusting, perverse, but that was their whole family. Grandpa all the way down to Bubba; everyone of them were fucked up to some extreme or another. That was what made them notorious, even if the cops and the public denied it all. Even if they only believed one murderer existed….It didn't matter.

They told him he'd be put to death soon. He'd seen plenty of guys go to the chair, they almost always looked sad and regretful….Pathetic; he didn't feel that way about it, he would laugh all the way there. Choptop didn't fear dying, not like he had when he had been younger. Everybody that he loved was gone.

He had secrets and they would follow him to his grave.


	2. Chapter 2

Choptop knew that his grandparents had looked after him and his siblings, but Drayton being the oldest of the brothers had raised them. It was the reason why the oldest Sawyer boy had always been so bitter and easily aggravated when it came to his siblings. Back then Choptop had been Robert; he vaguely remembered when his parents had run off.

Robert had been eight years old, him and his twin brother Nubbins; both pale fair skinned boys, too thin, one brother with white blue eyes and the other with brown, both with scraggly brown hair, and crooked teeth. Drayton had been nearing his teen years, and Bubba had just been born. The youngest addition to their family was born at their farmhouse, just like the other brothers. The three of them waited outside their parents' bedroom door listening to their mother's god awful screams as the doctor coached her through the birthing process. Between blood curdling screams she would curse God, when she wasn't doing that she could be heard praying to God that this one would be a baby girl.

Robert and Nubbins had their ears pressed against the door listening while Drayton leaned back against the wall with his arms folded over his chest. Even though he was only twelve he already looked aged, so many frown lines. He had never been one to be happy.

"Mama is gonna be mad if it's another boy." The oldest brother said shaking his head.

Robert gave a glance in the older boy's direction.

"Why don't she want a boy?" He asked curiously.

Drayton gave a small tense smile.

"She didn't even want you two bastards. The day mama gave birth to the two of you she locked herself up in her room and cried for a whole week straight. Daddy couldn't get her to even hold either of you."

Robert felt hurt, he looked over at his twin; Nubbins wasn't paying much attention. He knew his mom never paid too much mind to him or Nubbins, but he figured she was just really busy doing house work. He never thought they were that unwanted, he felt mad at himself for not coming out the way that she had wanted.

"If it had only been one then she might not have been so mad, but twins….She kind of just went crazy a bit after that, I don't know what'll happen if this one is a boy."

The oldest brother almost seemed darkly amused by the idea of their mother's misery. Robert didn't approve, but he felt like maybe Drayton knew their mother best.

"Was she happy when you were born?" Nubbins asked joining in late on the conversation.

Both Drayton and Robert looked at him, his hair was hanging over his face, and he looked a bit nervous.

"Of course she was; her and daddy were proud as could be when I was born, that's why they named me after grandpa. If they loved you they sure as hell wouldn't have named you Nubbins."

"Hey don't make fun of him." Robert snapped angrily at the older boy.

Drayton regarded him crudely; something in his brown eyes dared the young boy to dare him farther.

The sounds from inside of the bedroom faded. They could just barely hear the doctor talking followed by the sound of a baby screeching. The three boys stepped back all of them staring up at the door waiting to hear either the sounds of a joyous mother or a woman driven out of her mind by what she called 'another curse'.

"No, no….Oh God….No, why does his face…Why does his face look like that?"

Their mother's voice was nearing a scream it was so loud, disgusted, and terrified. Her loud sobbing covered up the doctor's voice as he calmly tried to explain whatever was wrong to the hysterical woman. Her three sons knew that once she was hysterical nearly nothing would calm her down; only gin would calm her down by this point. Another hour passed before the door opened; the doctor stepped out with a solemn expression on his face, he looked at the three boys in turn seeming a bit sad before quickly going down the stairs and leaving the house. None of them dared to go inside of the bedroom, the atmosphere in the room was almost as if somebody had died, it was tense and funeral like. They could just barely make out the foot of the bed, but that was the only thing visible to the three young boys.

"Boys come in here, we need to talk." Their father's stern voice called to them from inside of the room.

Drayton went first followed by the twins, the younger boys kept their heads bowed; their hair hanging over their faces.

"Boys"

The twins looked up to see their father sitting on an old wooden chair next to their mother's bed. In his arms he cradled something wrapped in a white blanket, soft cries could be heard from the infant in their father's arms. Robert dared to look at his mother out of the corner of his eye; she was curled up on her side with her hands over her face, her body shaking with each heavy sob.

"This is your new baby brother; Bubba."

Drayton pushed past the twins and stepped closer to get a look. He quickly stepped back nearly knocking into Nubbins; he looked repulsed.

"Shit, what's wrong with his face?"

"Quiet" Their father hissed glaring at the oldest boy.

Drayton muttered a quick 'sorry'.

Nubbins and Robert stepped up to see the newest curse in the Sawyer family. Drayton's reaction hadn't been completely rude or off, Bubba looked disgusting. His eyes were mismatched in color, his upper lip was practically gone, and the tip of his nose down to a nub, a deep gash went from the right corner of his mouth up to his ear which was barely there. The infant's right eye was small almost like it was swelling shut.

"What's wrong with him daddy?" Nubbins asked his voice came out quiet and gentle in hopes of not upsetting their father.

Their father was a quite handsome man; Drayton was the only boy to look anything like him. The same thick black hair, slightly tanned skin, crows feet in the corner of his dark brown eyes. Yet Robert was the brother who earned their father's first name, though he had been told their mother did it out of spite.

"The doctor believes he might have a skin condition. He doesn't know how it happened, but he thinks it might be from alcohol abuse during the pregnancy." He said glaring in his wife's direction.

"Is it gonna get better?" Robert asked, he couldn't take his eyes off of Bubba.

The infant turned its head looking in his brother's direction.

"No, apparently if anything it could only get worse. There's also a chance he could be retarded."

"There's a chance Bo and Nubbins are retards too." Drayton said laughing dryly.

"Drayton that's enough, now get out of here before I take you across my knee. You understand me?"

The oldest boy went quiet quickly.

"Robert leave him alone, he's our only good son. C-come here baby, come lay with mama."

The oldest boy grinned at his father before climbing up on the bed lying next to his mother. She wrapped her arms around her oldest son, the son she had wanted, and the only one who mattered one bit to her. For a moment there Robert hated Drayton, by the look on their father's face he could see he didn't approve either.

"Bo, Nubbins I want you two gone, and take that…Take that Devil child with you, I don't want to see the three of you for a long time." Their mother said her voice laced with hate.

Robert took the new born from his father; he did his best to hold the child without dropping it or upsetting it. He left the room with Nubbins following close behind him. They went up to the top room in the house where they slept. It was small, cracks went through the walls, and the only window in the room was broken allowing cold air to flow in constantly during the winter and fall. One broken down twin bed sat against the left wall of the room, their mother never thought they were deserving enough to have beds of their own so they shared. They didn't mind though, it was a form of security always knowing the other was with them.

Robert lay the new born down in the middle of the bed. Nubbins sat down next to it, he ran his index finger along Bubba's cheek; the infant grabbed at his hand just barely touching it.

"I'm worried that mama will hurt him." Nubbins whispered looking down at the newest member of their family.

"Don't worry she never beat on us until we got to about three."

The other brother nodded.

Robert got up on the bed sitting next to his twin; he wrapped an arm around the other boy wanting to comfort him.

"It'll be okay, we'll look after him until mama wants to really take care of him. Just like we take care of each other."

Nubbins turned his head and smiled at him.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm done with this shit; I'm done with your shit."

Robert watched from the doorway of the living room as his parents fought. His father had a suitcase in his hand, his face contorted in rage. His mother stood on the staircase looking completely lost and terrified.

"Please don't leave, you can't leave me."

"Yes I can, I'm leaving you; I can't tolerate your shit anymore. I hoped you would…I hoped you would just accept what we have, accept that we don't have a daughter, and maybe you would be a better wife and mother. I gave you all of the time in the world, all of the time I can handle, but guess what? I'm fucking done, you're fucking insane. I'm leaving."

He turned and went to the front door, his wife followed closely behind. She grabbed hold of his arm tightly in a desperate attempt to stop him from leaving her.

"I-if you won't stay then please, please take them with you…Maybe just the…It"

Robert smiled at his wife, it was a twisted slightly crazy smile.

"No; that's my gift to you darling. You get to raise our sons, because I know it will be Hell to you." He jerked his arm from his wife's grip then went out the front door slamming it shut behind him.

Bo watched his mother collapse to the floor her face in her hands as she began crying hysterically.

"Drayton, Drayton come down here!" She yelled frantically.

Within two minutes the oldest boy was downstairs and by his mother's side. She pulled the brown haired boy to her hugging him tightly.

"It's okay mama, it's okay."

Robert felt sick, he wasn't sure why; he didn't get why Drayton was their mother's favorite. He didn't understand what he, Nubbins, and Bubba had done wrong to make her hate them so much. Why did their father just run away from home, didn't he love them?

Did anyone love them?

He quietly and quickly ran upstairs to his and Nubbins room. His twin sat on the floor with now two year old Bubba, the tiny infant looked happy as he tugged at his older brother's shaggy brown hair. Nubbins looked up when he heard Robert enter the room; he looked worried when he saw the saddened look on his brother's face.

"What's wrong?"

"D-dad left"

"Where did he go?"

Robert shrugged; he went over to the bed and sat down, he ran his fingers back through his tangled mess of hair.

"Bo, what's going on?" The other boy asked sounding even more worried now.

"D-dad is gone h-he isn't comin' back. He told mama that he can't do this and he doesn't even wanna take any of us with him." He felt an aching in his chest and a pain in his head.

Nubbins placed his hand over his twin's hand giving it a light squeeze. Bo looked up at his brother, the other boy smiled at him.

"It's okay; we got each other, and Bubba."

Bo looked away.

"I thought that he loved us, mama doesn't love us. Sh-she only loves Drayton, she doesn't even want us."

He felt the tears welling up in his eyes; he hated crying it made him feel stupid. The times he would do it when Drayton was around the older boy would pick fun at him, always calling him a queer. Robert didn't know what the word meant but he knew that he didn't like being called it.

Nubbins got up on the bed and wrapped his arms around his twin brother hugging him tightly.

"It's okay bro; we have our own little family. Right? We got each other, forever."

Bo nodded in agreement; he could hear little Bubba making little sounds in attempts at talking. He wrapped his arms around Nubbins curling his fingers in the material of his shirt. That was the moment he knew he didn't want to be part of their family, he had his own family. Screw Drayton and their mom, screw his dad for leaving them with a woman who beat them and yelled at them. He only needed Nubbins and Bubba, he didn't care about anyone lese.


	4. Chapter 4

"Are you happy; are you happy that you drove your father away?"

Robert lay curled up on the floor with his hands over his face. His mother kicked him hard in the back causing the young boy to scream in pain. She reached down grabbing him by his tangled mess of brown hair, she pulled him across the floor; burning pain shot through his scalp. He peeked between his fingers to see Drayton sitting on the couch watching this go on, he had his arms folded across his chest, and a pleased smile on his face. He didn't understand why or how he could allow this to just happen, he still couldn't understand why his mother was doing this to him.

Julien Sawyer was a woman who could change her moods quickly. Out in public at church or in the market she could be sweet and charming. At home with her sons she was a horrifying monster, the boogeyman that her two younger sons came to fear and loathe all at the same time.

"You deformed little monster; you, you did this! He left me because of you, you disgust me." She yelled before kicking the boy again this time in the stomach.

"Mommy stop it, please." He pleaded his voice weak and scared.

Drayton laughed.

"Mommy stop, please." The older boy mocked.

His mother pulled him by his hair again hauling him onto his feet. Bo stumbled back against the wall; he stared up at his mother with frightened wide eyes. She smacked him hard across the face her red painted nails cutting into his skin making it burn.

"Go and get that….That creature out of your room and put him out with the other animals, where he belongs."

She turned and walked away from her son, she went to the couch where Drayton was sitting. She smiled sweetly down at her oldest son.

Robert felt that pain going through his head again, it didn't come anywhere near the pain in every other part of his body at the moment. He wasted no time in getting up the stairs up to his bedroom; Nubbins was sitting on the bed with Bubba, the small child smiled when his older brother entered the room. Nubbins looked worried when he saw the condition that his twin was in. He stood up from the bed and went up to Robert; he lightly ran his fingers along the cuts on his cheek.

"You okay?"

Bo ignored him and looked towards the bed.

"We gotta take Bubba outside."

"Why?"

"Mama said we have to, he's not allowed inside anymore."

"Screw her" The brown eyed boy said.

"C'mon we have to, I'm scared she'll do something to him if we don't."

He was afraid she would kill him; Hell he was scared she would kill him as well at this point. His mother despised him, he was finally accepting this more than obvious fact; even if it was hard to accept.

He shoved past his twin and picked the baby up off of the bed, he left the room almost hoping that Nubbins wouldn't follow him; he knew that his brother wasn't happy with him about this. He walked quietly down the stairs praying that his mother wouldn't be downstairs or that she at the least wouldn't pay any mind to him. He couldn't hear anything so maybe it was safe; he glanced around into the living room and it was empty. He sighed in relief, he quickly left the house and went to where they kept the few animals that they had on their small farm.

He wasn't sure why they didn't own that many animals anymore. He remembered there being more when he was younger and Drayton told him they used to have a lot, all kinds, and they all would be sold to the slaughter house for a lot of money. They were a successful family when it came to the business of slaughter, but in recent years nobody talked about it much. He noticed more of their animals dying until finally they were only left with some chickens and mostly pigs.

Robert went to the pin where the pigs were kept; there were only three moving about their little dirt filled habitat, a small wooden shack in the back of the pin where the animals could go and sleep during the night time. He opened the gate and walked in holding his little brother close to his chest; Bubba was pulling at strands of his older brother's hair. Bo looked down at the baby; he was becoming accustomed to his strange appearance, he loved his baby brother, and he wanted to protect him from their mother. That's why he would keep him out here, Hell he would stay out here with him if he had to just to make sure he didn't get sick or hurt.

"We don't have to do this Bo." Nubbins said from behind him.

The other boy tensed and sighed heavily. He walked inside of the badly built wooden shack and lay Bubba down on a pile of hay. He sat down on the mud coated ground next to the small child. He looked up at his brother who looked down at him like he was trying to understand this situation.

"We can sneak him back in tonight when mama sobers up and bring him back out during the day. We'll stay with him so he doesn't get hurt….I want dad to come back." Robert said pulling his legs up against himself.

Nubbins sat down next to him wrapping an arm around his brother's shoulders.

"I know, I wish that he would too….I think we should go back inside now."

Bo shook his head.

"Okay how 'bout you go in and I stay here with Bubba?"

Robert gave a small smile and nodded. He got up and left the shack, he headed back up towards the house. He noticed an unknown car in their driveway, maybe it was their father. He felt a small pang of excitement at the idea of that, he ran inside of the house hoping to find his father.

He heard voices coming from inside of the kitchen. When he got there he saw his mother standing by the sink running her fingers back through her brown hair, she looked pale, and nervous. Across from her stood a very old looking man.

"Dad I don't understand how this happened." Julien said sounding almost shocked.

The old man shook his head; his eyes were pale like Robert's the blue was even rimmed with pink.

"Damn machines, it's those damn machines….N-no need for the working man, no working class….Those damn, god damn machines have taken everything over." The old man rambled on more to himself than to Julien.

"Mama?"

Both adults looked towards the boy standing nervously in the doorway. Julien glared at her son and he knew that if the old man wasn't there she would be beating him right about now. The old man regarded him with curious eyes, a small smile spread across his severely wrinkled face as he looked at the young boy.

"He looks like me, nothing like you my dear."

"Who are you?" Robert asked feeling confused.

The old man laughed dryly.

"O-of course your mother wouldn't….Wouldn't tell you who I am, by the…By the look of your face I feel she's taken up her mother's form of love." He said his eyes focused on the scratches on Bo's cheek.

Julien shifted uncomfortably her eyes now focused on the floor.

"I'm your grandpa, I-I'm going to be living here from now on."

"What?" Julien asked her head shooting up, she looked at her father with wide eyes.

"Yes I will be, I-I lost the house. I'm an old man I can't very well live on my own….I can't manage any longer not now that those damned machines…Those damn machines have ruined everything."

"What machines?" Bo asked.

"We work in the business of meat; your mother and father raise animals and send them to the slaughter house where I until two months ago was working. Some bastards are making these new ways of killing the animals so it's easier and safer. They fired me and the slaughterhouse where your folks send their stock is going to shit pretty quickly."

"We still have some pigs, my little brother Bubba sleeps out with them now."

"Robert" His mother whispered harshly as she glared at her son.

"Bubba, I see another son then; we always wanted a son, but all we ended up with was you." The old man said bitterly as he looked at his distraught daughter.

"Go to your room, I'm sick of looking at you."

"You really have a way of children, Julien."

Robert took this as a sign to sneak off, he made sure neither adult was paying any mind to him before he darted out the front door and went back to the shack where Nubbins and Bubba were still residing.

"What's goin' on?"

"Grandpa's here, he's gonna be living here with us. Mama doesn't seem happy about it." Robert said as he sat down on the ground.

Bubba crawled over to him; Bo pulled the small child onto his lap.

"Grandpa, I didn't even know he was alive; Drayton told me he died in an accident."

"He says a lot of things." Robert said quietly.

He thought back to Drayton mocking him while he cried for their mom to stop beating on him.

"So why is he stayin' here?"

"He lost his job, he seems kinda off."

"Our whole family seems off."

Bo smirked.

"Do you wanna spend the night out here; I don't really want to see mama again today."

"Sure thing bro."

The three of them spent the night out in the shack curled up on the mud caked ground. He figured in the morning maybe they could sneak Bubba inside, maybe now that their grandfather was there they could keep their baby brother inside without their mother getting overly angry.


	5. Chapter 5

A little over a year went by before their mother left them. Robert always figured she stuck around the first month or two in hopes her husband would return to her, then the rest of the time she was just waiting for the right moment to run like hell; to leave her children she had never even wanted.

Robert had been upstairs with Nubbins, Bubba, and grandpa when it happened. Drayton had been the only one their mother said goodbye to. According to the oldest son it hadn't really been a goodbye; she told him she was going to the store and she would be back, but he could tell by the way she was acting and talking that she had no plans on coming back.

Robert went downstairs after the front door slammed shut followed by the sound of Drayton cursing loudly. His older brother was kicking the living room wall repeatedly as he cursed under his breath.

"What's wrong?" The younger boy asked not sure if he should even try and talk to his brother right now.

Drayton turned and glared down at his little brother. He stalked towards the younger boy backing him up against a wall.

"You, you and those other two are why she left. She fucking left me because of you, you long haired little freak!"

He punched the younger boy hard in the face.

He could feel blood running from his nose, when it dripped onto his lower lip he stuck his tongue out tasting it. He felt a bit bothered that he actually enjoyed the taste, but didn't think too much on it because that burning in his head was back.

"Where did she go?"

His older brother hit him again this time in the stomach.

"She's gone, probably leave the state; mama left because you three drove her away, just like dad."

Bo stood with his head lowered, his greasy brown hair hung over his face.

"She never loved any of us." He whispered.

His brother grabbed him by his hair jerking his head back.

"She loved me." With that he shoved the other boy to the floor.

Bo closed his eyes tightly as the pain in his head increased to the point that he couldn't stand it. He thought about his mother leaving; how she used to beat him up, how she made Bubba live outside because she didn't want him, and how she drove their father away with her insanity. He thought about how Drayton always insulted him, pushed him around, and tried to keep them down so he would always be the strongest and more intelligent of the boys. He was sick of it, he was sick of everything.

Before he even realized it he was back on his feet, he had a tight grip on the front of Drayton's shirt and had the older boy backed up against the wall; his face was only an inch or so away from his brother's.

"Never fucking touch me again, ever." He growled out his voice sounding nearly inhuman.

He pulled Drayton away from the wall and shoved him to the floor. He glared down at his older brother, there was no longer a look of cockiness just fear and confusion. Robert didn't wait for a response, the burning in his head was gone leaving his mind feeling fuzzy. He went back upstairs to rejoin his other two brothers and his grandfather.

Nubbins sat on the floor with Bubba on his lap, grandpa was talking about something that seemed to be interesting the other two boys. He stopped speaking with Robert entered the room.

"Mama left, she's not coming back." He said as he sat down on the floor with his brothers.

His grandpa didn't seem too surprised by this. Robert noticed the old man seemed to know everything, but he also seemed really stuck in the past and a bit off in the head.

"Where is the other boy, Drayton?"

"Downstairs."

"Is he the one who hit you?"

Robert averted his eyes and shrugged.

Nubbins placed his hand on his twin brother's cheek; Bo looked up smiling softly at him. He liked how concerned the brown eyed boy was about him, at least somebody cared.

"Did you hit him back?"

"Bo never gets in fights."

"Well um…I didn't hit him, but I shoved him and told him not to ever touch me again."

Nubbins looked a bit surprised but proud.

Their grandpa seemed pleased.

"How did it feel?"

"What?" Bo asked looking up at the old man feeling confused.

"How did it feel to fight back?"

"Great….I kind of….There was like this real bad burning in my brain then I just started…Like I don't know what happened I just flipped out on him."

"Have you had that pain before?"

"Y-yeah a few times, it mean something?"

The old man smiled knowingly.

"when I was younger I used to get that burning before I acted violently. Don't fight it, it's your friend; it's the feeling I used to get before every kill."

For a moment he could have sworn the old man wasn't talking about livestock.

They stayed in their grandfather's room for a bit longer. Bo couldn't get his mind off of what the old man said or what had happened with Drayton, he could just believe that his mother had really abandoned them. God they were alone, the only adult in the home was a disturbed old man who could hardly see and couldn't even stand up anymore. This meant Drayton was sort of like their acting guardian; an angry thirteen year old boy, Robert wasn't exactly fond of seeing where this could go in the near future.

He lay on his bed staring up at the ceiling; he counted the spider webs in the corner and the cracks going through the ceiling above him. Nubbins was curled up against his side, his head resting on Robert's chest. Bubba was sleeping at his feet curled up like an animal and less like a human. He noticed that the boy didn't act like most kids should be acting around one and two years of age. He hadn't talked or come anywhere near it, he had slight trouble with seeing, could barely walk, and often copied the actions of dogs and pigs more so than humans.

Robert closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He tried to picture a future where they could run away. He and Nubbins would be adults and they would just leave, they would take Bubba and maybe move to Dallas. Move to the city, to anywhere far away from this farm, his brother, and this shit small town. At that time it seemed so possible and comforting enough to lull him to sleep the thought that he could actually do all of that. The thought that he would always have his twin by his side and his little brother with him safe and sound.


	6. Chapter 6

Robert was fourteen years old when he finally committed his first murder. As he had grown older and neared his teen years the burning in his head had intensified, come more often, and he noticed changes in his personality. Changes that at first frightened him; he noticed himself having morbid and disturbing thoughts, noticed himself fighting Drayton more and more often. So many changes that at first frightened him, but over time he came to embrace these feelings. His grandfather taught him to embrace him, told him that it was the way of their family.

It was late October when he committed the crime. It wasn't planned, not at all. He and Nubbins had been out walking along the usually deserted road near the woods. He had just gotten into yet another fight with Drayton; his twin brother suggested they leave the house before the fight became too intense. He didn't feel too comfortable leaving Bubba with Drayton, but grandpa would be there too so he didn't mind too much.

An old pick up truck drove past the two brothers; it slowed almost to a stop then backed up until it was next to them. The driver of the vehicle shut the ignition off and climbed out of the truck. It was an older man, a good bit over weight, his face dirty and sweaty. The man stumbled around the front of the vehicle getting closer to the two teenagers. Nubbins instinctively took hold of his brother's hand squeezing tightly.

"Y-you two, your damned family." The older man slurred, from the sound of his voice and the way that he was walking he was obviously drunk.

Robert and Nubbins took a step back, the older man moved closer to them.

"What?" Robert asked confused by why the man decided to stop them and looked intent on hurting them.

The drunkard lunged forward grabbing Robert by the front of his shirt; he roughly pulled the teenager to him.

"I lost my job because of your fucking family, you ugly little faggot."

"Nubbins, run" He said looking back at his brother.

The brown eyed boy stared at him obviously scared, he paused for a moment before turning and running into the woods. The drunk man muttered something incoherent before throwing Robert to the ground. He ran past the teen and went after the other boy. Bo was a bit surprised by how quickly the man moved for his size and state of intoxication.

"Shit"

Robert climbed to his feet and ran into the woods doing his best to follow in the direction the older man had gone. He hoped he could get to him before he got to Nubbins, he didn't know what he would do if somebody hurt his brother.

"Stop it, let go of me!"

He followed the sound of his brother's voice. He found the drunken man in the depths of the woods; he had Nubbins down on the leaf coated ground and was punching him repeatedly. The teenager was curled up with his hands over his face. The burning sensation shot through Robert's head out of nowhere, he felt sick to his stomach. He kept blacking out like he wasn't even in control of himself at this point, like some primal part of him knew what he needed to do but the other part of him wasn't willing to admit to it.

Before he knew it he had a large stick in his hands and was knocking it against the side of the old man's head knocking him to the ground.

"Get off of my brother!"

He stood over the drunken man and repeatedly beat him hitting his face, chest, and stomach repeatedly. He felt the burning leave his head, all anxious feeling was replaced with this psychotic glee at what he was doing. He felt himself smiling followed by laughing as he repeatedly hit the drunken man in the head.

He only stopped when Nubbins grabbed him from behind pulling him away from the now dead man.

"Bo stop it"

He came back to himself; he was breathing heavily, his wide blue eyes were locked on the now dead man's bloody body lying on the ground. He threw the stick down on the ground next to the dead man. Nubbins arms were still wrapped around his waist.

"He's dead isn't he?" Robert asked his voice quiet, shocked.

"Y-yeah he's dead."

Bo pulled away from his brother's arms and turned to face him. His twin's face was bruised, bruises were going around his neck, and his lower lip was split.

"Do you feel alright?"

The brown eyed boy nodded, he looked past his brother in the direction of the corpse.

"Thanks"

"I didn't mean to do it, bu-but I think that I liked it."

Nubbins looked him in the eye, he slightly expected his twin to be bothered by this but he wasn't. He smiled a bit as he looked at Robert.

"What do we do with him?"

"I-I don't know….We should….We should go home and tell Drayton and grandpa, maybe they'll know what to do with him." Robert said.

He didn't know what else to do; he didn't want the police finding the dead man. He didn't want cops coming to the house, putting him away, and taking him from his twin brother. He looked at Nubbins face again, he wished he had gotten to him before that bastard laid a hand on him, but at least he had gotten to him before any worse damage could be done.

"Don't worry 'bout me, I'm alright; trust me. Let's go home and see if Grandpa knows what to do about this." He said taking hold of his brother's hand and leading him out of the woods.


	7. Chapter 7

It felt like hours until they reached their home, the whole way there he couldn't stop thinking about the old drunk. He couldn't stop thinking about how fantastic it had felt to bash his brains in, to watch that rotten old bastard die. Fuck what was he thinking, no he…He'd always had these weird dreams and sometimes fantasize about killing people in town, about killing his parents, and even a few fantasies about killing Drayton. He never wanted to kill somebody, to really hurt somebody.

He heard something hit against the ground and looked back to see Nubbins kneeling on the ground. They only had a little way to go before they were home, he knew it'd be possibly hours or even days before somebody found the body, but he felt paranoid right now. He grabbed his brother's hand pulling him to his feet and practically dragging the brown eyed boy behind him.

He remembered there was blood on his clothes, his hands, and his face; he remembered drops of it going into his mouth, the taste of it. He had to be losing it, he knew his family was different, he knew that he himself was different, and his twin brother was different. His mind was racing, the burning was back but this time it wasn't violent it was something else.

He pushed through the front door and ran upstairs to Grandpa's room where he found the old man along with Drayton and Bubba who sat on the floor looking at the oldest brother with some odd small child sense of wonder. All attention turned to the twins when they burst into the room breathing heavily, wide eyed, and filled with fear.

"What the fuck happened to you two, Bo why are you covered in blood?" Drayton asked moving closer to the younger man.

"I-I I didn't fucking mean to, I didn't mean to kill him; I swear to God I didn't mean it….I don't think I….H-he…." The blue eyed boy dropped to his knees his hands clutching the sides of his head.

The burning was intense; it drove him crazy; he felt like ripping out his hair and cutting his skin from his skull.

"Damn it what happened you coon shit?" Drayton yelled, he kicked Robert hard in the chest knocking him to the floor.

He went to kick his younger brother again but Nubbins shoved him roughly away.

"Get off him!"

"Since when do you have any balls, you ugly little fuck?"

Bo wanted to tell them to shut up, to make them shut up, but the burning was there and it was hurting and he felt like he could throw up at any minute. He could smell the dead man's blood and for some reason it made him hungry.

"Leave him alone, he saved me; I don't like when you beat up on him, you don't have any fucking reason to."

Bo looked up in time to see Drayton tackle Nubbins knocking the long haired boy against the wall; he wrapped his hands around his throat choking him.

"I'm the oldest here, mom left me in charge of you little bastards. Just tell the truth you sick little shit, you're just defending him because he's your fucking boyfriend."

Bo began laughing at that; Drayton and Nubbins stopped their fighting and just looked at him like he really had lost his fucking mind. Weren't they all mental anyways, just a family of lunatics created by a crazed neglectful mother?

"Enough" Grandpa said his voice coming across stern.

The room fell quiet; Robert pulled himself to his feet and joined the others to stand around the old man to see what he had to say.

"I've been discussing this with Drayton for awhile now; there are things about this family I think you're all ready to know about."

"Like what?" Nubbins asked.

"Part of the reason your mother avoided me for so long is because of what our family used to do before the slaughter house. There used to be people in town; bad people, people that nobody would miss and we would make them disappear. You," He pointed in Robert's direction.

He felt uneasy having the old man's beady eyes on him.

"You inherited the trait your mother didn't; I bet you get this funny feeling in your head that makes you want to hurt people. Don't deny it, it's a gift; it's the gift that will help you carry on the real family business."

"What are you talking about?"

He wasn't intelligent, but he wasn't stupid; he just really didn't want to hear this, know this, or accept the feelings he had.

"You know exactly what I mean boy, you aren't that retarded. Now I want you and Drayton to go find that body you got and bring him back to the house. I'll explain everything else to Nubbins and Bubba here."

He wanted to ask more questions, to tell the old man he was just fucking crazy, but Drayton grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the room.

Once they were out of the house Drayton released his hold on the younger man and told him to lead him to the dead man. The walk through the woods was completely silent, he was grateful for it even though there was a lot that he wanted to know, but right now he just wanted to get rid of the dead man.

"Right over there" He pointed in the direction of the corpse.

"You gotta help me, you killed him so don't be a pussy right now about dragging him to the house."

"Wh-what if someone….What if someone sees us?"

"No one will see us, not on these damned back roads; now shut your damn mouth and help me with this fat fuck."

He followed the older man to the corpse; the smell was nearly unbearable. The man's face was so smashed that you couldn't tell who he had ever been. Drayton grabbed the man by the legs and Robert grabbed him by under his arms. The trip back to the house was long; several times he'd dropped the dead man hardly able to support the dead weight of the drunk bastard.

When they got inside the house Nubbins and Grandpa lead them into the kitchen. The old man told them to set the body down on the table that sat in the center of the small room. Robert stood off to the side and watched as Nubbins and Drayton removed the drunk's clothes then proceeded to carve off his skin then cut into the meat and through the bones while Grandpa told them what to do and how to do it. The old man kept on telling them it was just like slaughtering a pig in the old slaughter house, just like their dad had taught them about when they all had been younger. Robert looked to see Bubba watching, taking it all in; it was weird how such a young child didn't seem scared by any of this.

He felt a hand on his shoulder pulling him from his trance.

"You alright bro?"

It wasn't until right now with Nubbins hand on his shoulder he noticed both of them were now stained in the drunk old man's blood. This was weird, he felt like he should be scared or guilty or even sick, but he wasn't. This was okay, people died every day, and that guy had attacked the two of them; he had hurt them, he'd had it coming. If he hadn't killed this guy then Nubbins might have been killed and nobody would have cared.

"Y-yeah….Yeah, yeah I'm alright; I'm fine, it's kind of….It's kind of cool and weird, I don't know." He said smiling a bit

Nubbins smiled back at him.

"Yeah it is, the guy was a real prick; we'll be fine, nobody will find out about this happening. You really saved my ass out there, thanks."

Robert nodded.

He couldn't think much other than that the burning was gone and the question rattling around his head about if this was the first and last time or if he just opened all hell and back.


	8. Chapter 8

Over time one body became two bodies, two into three, and after that Robert basically stopped keeping track of them. Drayton rarely did shit; he was mostly in charge of selling meat, running the local gas station, and basically complaining about all the killing they were doing. Grandpa mostly taught them about killing, getting away, and what to look for; other than that he spent all of his time teaching Bubba how to kill for when he was finally old enough to do it himself. He was getting pretty big, really fast too; it was weird for him to think the boy had been so small not that long ago and now he was nearing his teenage years.

Drayton told them he couldn't go out killing with them though, said that because of the way his face looked and cause he was so slow in the head that it'd be impossible to do anything and get away with it. So that's why the twins were in charge of catching and killing, it mostly depended on what they felt like doing. Drayton always told them to be clean, to just do their job and not treat it like some sick game. Of course neither boy exactly cared about or listened to the eldest brother so they did whatever they felt would keep them the most entertained. It was odd how just two years ago he didn't want to do this, how the first couple of kills made him uneasy; just like the first time he ate human flesh he felt uneasy, now though it felt like he'd been doing this all his life.

"What do you think 'bout her bro?" Nubbins asked as he looked out the car window watching for hitchhikers.

It was a small town, most kids you saw walking along the roads were runaways or homeless just going through town on their way somewhere better.

Bo looked where the other man was pointing to see a girl about their age walking along the street. Her long blonde hair was dirty, clothes looked like they hadn't been washed for months, and she carried a torn up back pack with her. If she'd ever had a home it'd been a damn good time since she'd been anywhere near it. Bo felt the familiar excitement of finding a victim, especially one who would be desperate for positive human contact. He slowed the car to a stop, Nubbins rolled down his car window turning his full attention to the girl who was now carefully watching them.

"H-hey do you need a ride?"

The girl walked closer to the car, but still kept enough distance.

"I don't know, last time I rode with some guy he was a fucking pervert." She said, she kept looking around maybe wondering how far away the nearest building or house was.

Bo wanted to laugh at her, it was miles; nobody would hear her screaming.

"Aw c'mon it's just me and my brother, we won't bite." The brown eyed man said laughing a bit.

The girl gave a small nervous smile.

"I, I don't think so; I'm just passing through anyways."

It was always a bit of a shame when they didn't fall into the trap, but chasing after them was fun.

The girl turned and walked away moving a bit faster than she had been before talking to the greasy haired man. Nubbins turned and looked at Bo silently questioning what he wanted to do now.

"Here's my knife, go get that bitch." He said smiling at his twin as he handed him the straight razor.

Nubbins grinned at him before quickly getting out of the car, he ran up to the girl who didn't realize anybody was after her until Nubbins was close enough to grab her by her hair; Bo watched as his brother slashed at the teenager's back with the knife, she screamed and struggled, and finally she fell face first onto the ground. He watched as his brother laughed manically as he cut away at the girl's back, he yanked her head back then sliced the razor across her throat silencing her pathetic screams.

Robert got out of the car and walked up to the two of them. Nubbins was still sitting on her back watching the blood bubble and spill over her back.

"Good job, you're getting damn good at this."

"Think so?" Nubbins asked looking up at him.

"I'd never lie to you, come on let's get her in the backseat before somebody drives by or something."

They picked up the body and tossed it into the backseat. Just like that another body was added to the count, another dead missing girl added to their ever growing list. He knew nobody would miss her, nobody had missed her all of this time when she had been alive. He thought it'd be funny if her parents ever stopped by the gas station for some food and ended up eating their own daughter. It was a thought that a couple of years ago would have scared him, but now it just made him laugh.


	9. Chapter 9

"Damn it I told you boys not to let him out of the house." Drayton yelled glaring at both twins in turn.

Neither was really paying attention, they rarely did. It helped that they had heard this speech a dozen or so times in the past year. The don't let Bubba out of the house during the daytime speech.

"Don't ya ever think that maybe he'd be a bit better if we did take him out?" Nubbins argued.

"Look at him; how the hell do you explain something like that to people? Unless you wanna spend the rest of your pathetic little life in jail then you need to stop doing stupid shit like this."

Bubba stood in the corner of the living room watching them argue. As far as Robert could tell it didn't really phase him, Hell he probably didn't understand a single thing that they were saying to each other.

"Stop acting like he's some sick dog or somethin', he's our brother."

"He's the reason mom left."

They rarely spoke of their mother ever since she ran off. He kind of hoped that she was dead, she deserved to be dead; right now he sort of wished that Drayton was dead just so he would shut up and stop blaming the three of them for every little thing.

"Mom left because she didn't love us, she was a selfish drunken bitch."

That's really all that it took.

Drayton knocked the younger man down onto the floor, he was on top of him punching and kicking at him. Robert tried to pull him away, but the oldest brother shoved him. Nubbins tried to get to his feet, but Drayton grabbed the walking stick that had been leaning against the wall and whacked the younger man hard in the middle of his back with the heavy wooden object. The long haired man was back on the floor with his hands over his head while Drayton beat the shit out of him while screaming about not saying those types of things ever again about their mother.

Robert grabbed hold of the stick before his older brother could bring it down again; he pulled it out of the older man's grasp and threw it across the room. He stalked towards the other man backing him up against the wall.

"If she loved you so fucking much then why didn't she take you with her, huh? Mom hated you just like she hated the rest of us; if you touch him one more fucking time I will kill you."

He noticed the shift of emotion in Drayton's eyes; he was no longer angry, just nervous and scared. Once he was sure his brother wasn't going to say or do another thing he turned and went back to where Nubbins was kneeling on the floor. He took his twin's hand helping him to his feet, then the two of them went upstairs to their room.

"You alright?"

The brown eyed man shrugged, he ran his fingers back through his hair; he kept his eyes locked on the ground like he was ashamed of himself for getting beaten up like that. Robert placed his hand on the other man's cheek.

"It's cool he's treated each of us like shit, I'm just gonna make sure he doesn't do it again; got it?"

Nubbins nodded, his eyes just barely meeting his brother's.

"Ya know I love you right?"

"Y-yeah I know, I don't fucking get why he's in charge of everything. He's just the fucking cook, he doesn't do anything; not anything important."

"Hell if I know, grandpa was the one who put him in charge. You sure you okay?"

He ran his fingers gently over the bruise forming on the other man's face.

Something felt different, like something just changed between them all of the sudden. Next thing he knew he was leaning in closer then a second later his lips were on the other man's lips kissing him gently. He could feel Nubbins tense, he waited for him to push him away and beat his ass, but it didn't happen. Instead he kissed him back like he was also trying to figure out if this was a good idea. Most likely it wasn't, most likely it was immoral, and wrong as all types of hell….But most of everything that they did was like that, so why did this matter?

Robert ran his fingers through the other man's hair as they continued to kiss.

"What if Cook walks in, he'd fucking freak out." Nubbins whispered his dark eyes watching the door closely.

"I don't give a shit, if he walks in then I'll take care of it."

He felt like this was his family more than it was Drayton's. The oldest brother never did anything other than complain and threaten them every chance that he could find. He was tired of the old bastard thinking he actually had control over the three of them, eventually he'd find out he had far less control than he liked to think that he had.

Nubbins kissed him a little more forceful this time; he kissed back holding the other man close to him. He liked this, way more than he should; he placed his hand on Nubbins back his fingers pressing against his skin. His brother flinched and pulled away.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing my back just hurts from where he was hitting me; it's not a big deal. I swear one of these days I'm gonna take that fucking stick and beat his head in with it." The brown eyed man said as he pulled away, he walked over to the bed removing his shirt and dropping it to the floor.

Robert could see the bruises and cuts running along his back from where their brother had beaten him up. It was a stupid useless trait he'd inherited from their mom, thinking that if you beat on people then you owned them and could control them. In reality it just chased them away; most things seemed to chase people away.

Nubbins lay face down on the bed, he propped his head up on his arm.

"I meant it when I said I won't let him hit you anymore, not as long as I'm here anyways."

He climbed onto the bed sitting on the backs of the other man's legs. He lightly traced his fingers along the cuts and bruises. He leaned down pressing his lips against one of the bruises; the other man's body stiffened then relaxed a second later.

"If you don't like it I'll stop."

"No way, I like it….Hey promise me you won't ever leave; I'd be fucked if you left."

"I promise, not like I've got anywhere to go anyways." He whispered before kissing another bruise on the other man's back.

He ran his fingers up along Nubbins side tracing along faded scars from their older brother's abuse and from victims who would desperately try to fight them back.

His twin rolled over onto his back so they were now face to face. Nubbins wrapped his arms around his neck pulling him down to him, kissing him roughly.

Yeah he liked this, there was nothing in hell that would make him leave this.


	10. Chapter 10

He loved to kill, but even more he loved to steal their stuff once he had killed them. The hitchhikers him or his brother would pick up from the side of the road and local gas stations only had small packs with barely jack shit inside of them, but when the two twins would take turns playing hitchhiker that's when they got some of the best stuff. The more people inside of the vehicle the more shit there was to steal once they were dead, especially the teens and college aged kids. Sometimes it felt a bit weird killing people about their own age, realizing they weren't hideous monsters lurking in the dark; they only felt that way in their minds and it made them feel as if they were immortal. They would get the people to take them as far as possible then at the best opportunity they would kill them in whatever way seemed to be the easiest or whatever suited their mood that day. Mostly cutting and stabbing, especially if both twins were picked up at once; if it was mostly girls then that would happen, they noticed teenage girls usually had some stupid romanticized idea about young male hitchhikers. It was stupid, it led to them being murdered, taken back home, and then dismembered and cooked.

At the moment both brothers were at home in the junk yard they had made of abandoned cars. Drayton was inside dealing with Bubba who at this point was getting old enough to cook and prepare food on his own. Bo hated how the oldest brother still had this theory that he was the leader just because he was the oldest, it was as dumb as his theory that some day their mother would come back home.

The blue eyed brother found a blood stained acoustic guitar in the back of an old van they had picked out about a week ago. He removed it and went to one of the old pick up trucks sitting in the bed and began picking at the strings listening to the deep then high sounds the instrument made. He knew if Drayton saw it or got his hands on it then he'd break it and burn it, Bo dared him to; just like he dared him to hit Bubba and Nubbins, that's usually when he'd back off. He noticed his twin sticking up for himself more, becoming more like Bo each day; Drayton didn't seem really pleased with it, but it made Bo feel better about leaving his brother alone.

"Where'd you find that?"

He looked up to see his twin standing there looking at him then down at the guitar.

"That van over there, the one we forgot to go through; you find anything?"

The other man shook his head; he glanced back towards the house then got up on the bed to sit next to Bo.

"Think Drayton is looking for us yet?"

Bo shrugged then went back to attempting to play.

"Don't really care; the fucking cook can go to Hell for all I care."

Nubbins laughed.

"Can you believe that bitch we killed yesterday, the one who kept on feeling you up?"

Bo looked over at his brother; Nubbins was looking down at the ground, his greasy brown hair hanging over his face. He could tell by his voice that he was still annoyed by what had happened. It was just part of the game in Bo's opinion; if somebody wanted to try some stupid porn shit with you then you went along until you decided to kill them, he found people were weakest when they were having sex or at least trying to have sex. He remembered the girl; she'd been blonde, too much makeup, and too tight clothes. She looked like something from a porn magazine, probably why she'd been going to California. He hadn't liked her touching him, he just found her annoying and pathetic.

"She sucked at it, she kept grabbing at my crotch too hard and those stupid fucking press on nails of hers, like claws or something."

"I don't like when you do that, y'know like go along with that shit."

"You think I enjoy it, you know I don't; ever since mom fucking left us I kind of just have it out for women."

It was true; he knew on some level that all women weren't like that, but he couldn't help but hate them. Besides he didn't need them, they were just a distraction from what his family did for a living. Though he still dreamed of leaving, going somewhere else, and doing what he fucking wanted; not what Drayton and grandpa told him he had to do.

"Just try and do it less"

Bo looked over at him and smirked.

"Jealous?"

Nubbins finally looked at him, glaring.

"No I'm not fucking jealous, I'm not that fucking gay."

Bo shook his head his hair falling in his face. He sat the guitar to the side; he placed a hand on the back of his brother's head pulling him forward. He kissed him hard, Nubbins kissed back he tangled his fingers in Bo's long hair. He thought about how Drayton was always telling them to cut their hair, bathe more, and stop dressing like hippy trash. The more he bitched the more they ignored him and all hell would come to Earth if he ever found out about this. Bo gently pushed his brother down onto his back and climbed up on top of him straddling his lap. He pushed his tongue inside of his mouth as he kissed him more passionately; he moaned when he felt Nubbins hands go up under the back of his shirt his jagged nails scratching down along his back.

"Wait what if cook comes out and catches us?" Nubbins asked glancing around nervously.

"Fuck him, he knows better than to start shit with either of us. Don't give him so much power, if I ever gotta leave for a day or more you need to know how to handle the stupid little dog bitch."

He began kissing down along his neck biting into the side of it.

"You wouldn't ever leave right?"

Bo licked along the fresh wound.

"Not anytime soon, but just in case you know?"

"Y-yeah I know" The other man whispered.

Bo pushed his hands up under his shirt feeling along his flat stomach and his chest.

He sat back on his knees removing his own shirt then went to remove Nubbins as well. He dipped back down kissing, biting, and licking along the brown haired man's pale scarred flesh. He loved the taste and feel of his skin, the sound of his moans and gasp as he touched him. If Drayton found them he'd flip his shit and God knows what else he'd do, he wouldn't let that happen; he couldn't stand the thought of somebody taking his twin away from him.

"I love you, I won't let anyone hurt you; got it?"

"I love you too and yeah I know, no girls right?"

Bo pulled back and laughed.

"Fuck no, you know me better than that."

He grabbed a fistful of the other man's hair jerking his head back, Nubbins moaned; he trailed his tongue up along the front of the brown eyed man's throat, he moved to his lips kissing him passionately just like before. He knew they were alone, but he still was cautious, he meant it when he said that he wouldn't let anybody hurt his brother.


	11. Chapter 11

"You fucking worthless deformed fuck!"

Drayton threw a plate which nearly hit Bubba in the head. The youngest but biggest of the brothers bent low letting out a crying sound that nearly matched that of a scared dog. He didn't talk; he tried, he really did, but it came out as muttering, and most times it was animal sounds from the time he had to live outside with the animals on their property.

"Knock it off cook, he didn't do anything wrong."

Drayton turned on Nubbins stalking closer to the lanky man until they were face to face. The younger brother didn't back down, he just glared down at the older but shorter brother.

"He let that bitch go, do you understand how fucked we would be if she told somebody? Well do you?"

Nubbins smirked; he ran his fingers back through his greasy hair. He glanced over at Robert who returned the look.

"We took care of the bitch." Robert said not taking his eyes off of his twin.

Drayton looked at the two of them with disgust, he wondered if he knew.

Bubba was still in the corner cowering like he wasn't sure if his brothers all wanted to hurt him or if he could come out of hiding now. Robert motioned with his hand for the youngest brother to come over, after a moment's hesitation Bubba made his way over to the blue eyed twin.

"Coon shits, mom left cause of him and you two morons. You're fuck ups and you're gonna get us all caught and then we'll be in prison."

The oldest worried constantly, he never stopped worrying. He just wanted to run the business; the gas station and the BBQ set up that they had going for themselves, grandpa had told him everything he needed to know about running a business and about what their family had done for so long until their mother had refused the tradition. Drayton took every single part of it to heart, he didn't notice or he just didn't care that his brothers didn't share in his dedication. Robert just enjoyed killing, Nubbins liked fucking with people, and Bubba thought every human outside of the Sawyer family was some big monster coming to hurt him and his brothers.

"We're fine, besides I don't think I've really ever seen you kill nobody. So get off our backs you old fuck, when you start doing the dirty work then maybe you can criticize how we do things around here." Nubbins said pointing his finger at the oldest brother.

Robert could tell by the way his body tensed and the darkened look in his already dark eyes that he wanted to attack the other man, but with one look in Robert's direction all of that changed.

"Good boy" The blue eyed man said laughing, Drayton gritted his teeth.

He loved being in control, he wondered for how long it'd last.

"Come on let's go to the cemetery, Bubba kick his ass if he gives you anymore shit."

The youngest nodded.

Robert took Nubbins by the hand and lead him out of the house not turning back when he heard Drayton yelling at the two of them to come back and to respect him.


	12. Chapter 12

Robert sat with his bare back to one of the old crumbling tombstones. Nubbins lay on the ground with his head resting on his brother's lap. He ran his fingers through the other man's hair; it was nearing night time and he knew there was always the chance that a cop or a groundskeeper would catch them here, but they hadn't done anything too illegal. As far as he was concerned having sex in a cemetery wasn't the worst thing two people could do, it wasn't as bad as the times Nubbins would go there to rob the graves for his sculptures.

"Wanna go back home yet?" Bo asked glancing down at his brother.

"No way, fuck if we had the option I'd never go back to that place. You notice how Drayton is acting more like a cunt as he gets older?"

The blue eyed twin smiled.

"Yeah I've noticed, he's born to be old and crazy. I mean we're fucking crazy, obviously fucking crazy but he's just annoying you know. He keeps acting like he's better than us cause he doesn't kill unless he's got to and even then he still doesn't do shit."

Nubbins laughed.

He liked the sound of his laugh; he should have jumped on the chance to just run like Hell from home.

"Think he knows about us?"

Bo actually thought about it; they didn't really hide it much, well they did, but little things screamed something more to anybody who looked closely enough.

"No, he doesn't"

Lying, he knew that he was lying. He wasn't completely stupid, he could tell that the uptight bastard knew or would find out soon. He figured nothing would come of it though, it'd just be another thing that pissed Drayton off, but another thing he wouldn't say shit about or do shit about.

Dumb to think that.

"I love you Bo"

"I love you too"

His twin sat up and kissed him, his fingers running back through his tangled mess of hair.

He'd miss this, he missed this.


	13. Chapter 13

A draft card.

A fucking piece of paper with his name, age, and address announcing that he would be drafted; forced into the fucking army, because they were desperate, and he was legal age. A fucking card telling him he'd be pulled away from his family, telling him he'd be sent to a far off country where the moment his foot touched the ground he could possibly be killed. He'd never thought about himself dying, he laughed at the idea most times until right now; he thought himself and his brothers immortal until he held that stupid piece of paper in his hand telling him that death could be right around the corner.

He hid it at first; didn't tell anybody, but he knew Drayton knew about it because he'd been the one to hand him the card. The one who came into his bedroom with a disgustingly evil grin on his face, the one who hummed to himself as he left the room; he fucking knew, he fucking knew a lot.

"Two days you little shit." The oldest brother announced still smiling.

Robert sat in the kitchen still looking at the card.

"Fuck you Cook"

"I hope you don't mean like how you're fucking Nubbins."

He tensed, his head shot up and he stared at the older brother. Drayton hid his crazy, but he never hid he could be as sickly sadistic as his brothers.

"What?"

He wanted to say something more, some comeback, or even take the knife off of the countertop and drive it into his fucking throat.

"I'm not stupid, I'm also not a god damn inbred like you two. It'll be good for you to get the fuck out of here, maybe you'll become a real man while you're away."

"I hope you die while I'm away, besides who said I'm gonna go?"

He felt angry, he felt hateful, and he felt fucking terrified.

"If you do try to run, go to Mexico or some shit like that then I'll be more than happy to turn you in."

"You son of a fucking bitch"

He jumped up off of the bar stool lunging at the older man, Drayton stepped out of the way and Robert fell face first to the ground with a loud thud. He got to his feet and made to punch the older man, but Drayton grabbed him by his hair yanking hard.

"At least they'll cut this nappy shit while you're there. It's about time the problem gets out of here and I get things back in order."

Robert struggled growling and cursing as he tried to get away from the eldest brother.

The front door creaked open then slammed shut, Drayton released him. Nubbins walked into the room looking between the two of them looking confused.

Robert didn't say anything, he shoved past his twin and went up to their bedroom; he slammed the door shut behind him then went to sit on the bed. This wasn't fucking happening, it wasn't sure he'd die; it wasn't like going to prison and being executed or some shit like that. He might not even be gone that long or maybe the war would stop before he could even get out of the country or maybe they wouldn't send him anywhere dangerous, maybe he'd be too pale, too mentally disturbed, or…Something, something had to fucking happen, because he didn't fucking want this, he didn't want to die.

"Bo?"

He didn't respond, he just continued staring down at the ground; that stupid piece of paper in his hand.

The bed shifted as the other man sat down, he saw a hand on his leg.

"What's wrong, I don't think I've seen you this freaked since…Well ever"

"Nothing"

"What's that?" He said pointing to the piece of paper.

"Nothing"

"Is that why you're freaked out?"

"Shut up, I don't want to fucking talk about it."

Nubbins pulled his hand away.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that okay?"

His voice was less tense, he looked up at the other man's face; he looked worried, a bit scared himself. Robert handed him the card, watching the fear overcome his face completely as he read over it.

"You're not going, right?"

"I got to, if I don't Drayton is gonna turn me in."

"I can't believe this; you said you'd never leave me and Bubba here alone with him or with mom back when she was here." Now it was Nubbins turn to sound pissed, to sound lost.

"I know okay, I don't wanna go; I really fucking don't want to, but I have to. I'll come back, I'll come back all in one piece."

Lying, even then he knew that he was full of shit. Even then Nubbins looked like he didn't believe a word of it.

"How do you know?"

"I don't, but I do fuck if I know; I'm not gonna die, I'll come back just fine. Okay, I promise and when I come back we'll get outta here and go somewhere else and cook can stay here with grandpa and do this stupid family business shit. We'll be fine, I swear."

Lying was easily especially when it took little to delusion yourself that lies were true. He felt slightly calmer with each lie that he told, each lie made the draft card less frightening and Drayton's happily told threats less disturbing. Each lie made Nubbins calmer.

"Two days?" The brown eyed man asked his voice quiet.

Robert kissed the top of his head.

"Yeah two days and I'll be back whenever, a few months or something even. I promise, everything will be cool."

The other man nodded in agreement; Nubbins placed a hand on the back of the other man's neck pulling him in and kissing him. He pushed Robert back on the bed climbing on top of him as they continued to kiss each other.

He'd come back, it just wouldn't be the way he wanted to.


	14. Chapter 14

He held the long haired man in his arms, holding him as closely as he could. He couldn't help but smile when the slightly younger male nipped at his lower lip.

"Don't leave" Nubbins whispered before moving to his twin's neck kissing and biting at pale flesh.

Robert combed his fingers through the other man's greasy hair. He didn't want to leave, not without the other man at his side; he knew he had the option of leaving the country, but Drayton knew he would do such a thing. He wondered if his eldest brother really did hate him enough that he would turn him over to the police, there was a chance he could turn him in on nearly any charge including murder.

"I got to, I'll come back though; it won't be that long."

"Drayton's a fucking dick, I don't wanna be here with him." The brown eyed man muttered before biting Bo's neck.

The blue eyed man gave a small moan at the feeling of teeth biting at his skin, he pulled the other man back so that he could look him in the eye.

"Yeah I know and I don't go things will get a whole lot worse."

Nubbins looked back towards the house almost glaring at it, he looked back at his brother.

"So he really does know about us doesn't he?"

"Yeah I think so and I know I'm the one who he'll punish if I don't leave."

Nubbins wrapped his arms around the taller man's neck, he leaned in kissing him.

"Like he's never done a damned thing wrong in his life."

"Do you think this is wrong?" Robert asked curiously.

"No, it's not the worst thing our family has done." He smiled up at the blue eyed man then kissed him again, this time a bit harder.

He knew what they had was messed up, they were both messed up on so many levels. If Drayton would accept they weren't normal and that he himself were a complete psychopath then there was a possibility things could calm down. It'd be nice if something like that would happen while he was away, he still hated leaving his twin alone with Drayton.

"I love you, I really do."

"I love you too that's why I want you to stay."

"This is safe for both of us, okay? I'll be back in a few months, I promise, and we'll leave here. I'll take you anywhere you want, you and Bubba and Drayton can just fucking stay here with grandpa; fuck the family business."

"That sounds nice, I'll be waiting for you." He said smiling up at the other man.

They kissed again, it was desperate and longing; he knew that the moment Drayton left the house then the two of them would go inside to take it further. Right now he was okay with this, okay with just running his hands up under the younger man's shirt and feeling his scarred flesh. He was okay with standing outside in the Texas heat, just the two of them, because tomorrow morning he had to leave and he didn't know how long it would be until he ever saw his soul mate again.


	15. Chapter 15

"I don't want you to go tomorrow."

"I've got to, I'll come back though; I always keep my word, you know that."

The younger man nuzzled his face against the side of his neck, Bo lazily ran his fingers through the other man's greasy brown hair.

"We could just run away together, y'know? Seriously fuck this place."

He watched curiously as Nubbins moved to straddle his lap, the younger man slowly ran his hands up under his partner's shirt.

"You always say that" He smirked up at the brown eyed man.

Nubbins leaned down pressing his lips against his kissing him gently.

"I got it from you asshole, all you ever said when we were kids is that we're gonna run away from here someday."

He looked off towards the corner of the room for a bit, he could still feel Nubbins staring at him waiting for some sort of a response.

"Yeah guess I said something like that, it could still happen." He turned his attention back to the man sitting on top of him.

"When?"

He sighed heavily; he could be honest and rational for once in his not so sane life and say never, but avoidance seemed like a better option. Bo moved so that the other man was underneath him, he looked him in the eye for a second to see if he'd argue or tell him no, but he only nodded giving a bit of a smile which his twin returned before kissing him roughly.

Who knew when he'd get another chance to be with him like this or in general?

He moved from his lips to his jawline running the tip fo his tongue along the line then down the center of his throat. He loved the way the other man moved beneath him, the way his fingers tangled themselves in his hair, and his hips rolled up against his own to show him just how into this he really was right now. Bo bit into the side of his neck drawing a soft moan from Nubbins. He reached down pulling at the bottom hem of the younger man's shirt groaning in frustration.

"This, off" He mumbled before pulling back long enough for his partner to remove his shirt tossing it on the floor.

He wrapped his arms around Bo's neck pulling the older man against his body. They kissed again just as roughly and desperately as the last time. Nubbins bit at his bottom lip drawing blood, his tongue found its way into his twin's mouth exploring a place he was so accustomed to but would possibly never be again. He dug his nails into the older man's back trailing them down over pale scarred flesh, the tips of his fingers traced every scar he had memorized; just the same way Bo had all of his memorized by now.

He didn't argue when Bo pushed him back down on the bed settling between his legs, normally he'd give some argument saying he wanted to be the dominant one, but this was the last time for them and he didn't care. He moaned and writhed beneath the older man, only telling him to shut up once when Bo told him he moaned like a horny teenage girl. The remark only earned a slightly manic laugh from the blue eyed man who went right back to trailing his tongue along his partner's body. He was determined to worship every inch of him, memorize ever line, dip and scar. He nipped at the skin over his hip bones earning sharp little intakes of breath; his right hand cupped the younger man's arousal through the material of his jeans rubbing and squeezing enough to make Nubbins moans louder almost to the point anybody else in the house could hear him.

On any other day he'd silently shush him, kiss him so he'd shut up, or just stop all together; tonight though it didn't matter because the others knew and he'd be gone by the morning. Hopefully gone before his brother would wake up, he didn't want to say goodbye to him.

"Please, you know I hate this teasing shit."

Bo rolled his eyes at the younger man's pleading, he smirked when he bucked his hips up trying to get him to start rubbing at him again. He removed his hand receiving another annoyed groan from his twin.

"C'mon don't be a prick"

"I'm so good at it though, Cook says it all the time."

Nubbins leaned forward placing a hand on the back of the older man's neck; he pulled him towards him crashing their lips together. He gave a hard nip to his lower lip as he lay back down taking Bo with him. There was no teasing now, which Nubbins was painfully grateful for. The older man ground his hips down against him, he kissed him back just as roughly and just as hungrily. Soon their pants were off as well as their shoes and socks, soon the overly used container of lube from the night stand was out and Bo was settled between Nubbins legs his fingers gently prodding inside of him. The younger man let out a slightly pained moan at the intrusion, it always hurt, but not the worst pain he'd endured. It never lasted long and it was worth it in the end. He relaxed and closed his eyes thinking back to the first time they had sex. He thought about how nervous Bo had been, he'd kept asking if he wanted to do this, telling him they didn't have to, and the first sound of pain to come from the younger twin he'd pulled out immediately and apologized repeatedly. He had to reassure him it was fine, it wasn't that bad even though it hurt like a bitch.

This time was different, it was very far from their first time. This time they had a motion and a rhythm they followed with ease. Though he could still feel Bo's eyes on his face checking for any signs of pain or discomfort; there was only pleasure and content to be found. He smiled when he felt the older man's lips pressed against his own, he kissed him back returning the loving gesture.

"You ready?"

"Uh huh"

"Such a way with words bro" He muttered laughing his breath hot against the other man's neck.

He slowly pushed himself inside of him, one hand placed firmly against Nubbin's left hip to keep him from moving too much. The feeling was always uncomfortable at first, but within a few seconds, a couple of thrusts later, and another 'are you okay?' then everything was fine. Then Bo had both hands on his hips his fingers digging in hard enough to bruise his pale flesh, he thrust into him harder and faster taking less caution than he had just moments before. The younger man met him thrust for thrust, his fingers tangled in his hair giving a bit of a tug earning a loud moan from the older man. This was their world, their reality, and their normal; losing it just seemed wrong.

"Fuck I love you" Nubbins whispered tilting his head back against the pillow.

Bo bit into his shoulder as he continued to thrust inside of him, he reached a hand down between them taking hold of the younger man's cock beginning to stroke him.

"I love you too, runt"

Soon he came into the older man's hand and onto his own stomach, the feeling always left his body tense then relaxed with a sudden light headed sensation. Bo came shortly after, he loved to feel his seed spilling inside of him; loved everything about this act. His partner pulled out of him and lay down down beside of him. Nubbins rolled over onto his side and pressed himself up against the other man's side resting his head on his chest. Fingers gently brushed over his arm.

"You're coming home, right?"

"Yeah I'll come home"

He could only lie and hope it'd be the truth.


End file.
